Girls, advice about girls, from the Askmeni archives

Q: Hey Meni I came across your site (cleaned up the screen after, just jokes!). I recently broke up with my ex on Valentines Day and now shes stalking me. She gets out of a halfway house next week and she wants me back since I was a lot of first timers for her anal, swallowed, multiple orgasms and new positions). Thing is I tapped her best friend who’s twice as hot and is now pregnant. What the hell do I do?
A: Get out of Town. Have the hot best friend call me. And send your ex to TTBOY, she can be in OrgyWorldGirls 37

Q: “do girls like to be peed on” anonymous
A: “Some do, make sure if you do it at home, and cover your area with plastic so you don’t piss all over your sheets. Or piss on her in shower. I do own”

Q: “What is the best way to make my girl have an orgasm without having sex?” Pat
A: “Go down on her, is that considered sex to you? Work her clit, play with her nipples, see what gets her hot and do it. Or just order an 8 x 10 of me, and I guarantee she cums when she sees me”

Q: “There’s this girl I really like and I can’t stop thinking about her. I probably don’t have a chance getting with her what should I do” anonymous
A: “How about meeting her, can someone introduce you to her? If she doesn’t have a boyfriend, ask for an email addy or phone number. Communication”

Q: “Do women like to be kissed on the bare tush as foreplay?” anonymous
A: “Yes. They love to get kissed all over their body”

Q: “Hey. I dont know what to do. Me and my girlfriend are always fighting but we have been going out for over a year. What should i do? David OHIO
A: “Take a break, see if you guys are meant to be, (which I guarantee you are NOT). If you guys miss each other, maybe you’ll realize how important you are to each other and you’ll stop fighting all the time. If not, you are doomed. Don’t be miserable all your life fighting with our chick.”

Q: “I really like my ex-girlfriend but i dumped her a while ago and now she’s on this single rampage, should i try to get her back or forget about it? Bungle, California, USA
A: “Forget about her, AND get her back. The key is to care less. Do it and she’ll crawl back. And don’t slouch in the sack, give her the best fuck you can”

Q: “”My girlfriend always gets mad at me because i talk to other girls, but it is ok for her to talk to other guys, i dont know what to do. I dont want to dump her but ill hear what you have to say. WIZ
A: Remember this, till you DIE. “He who cares least, Wins” Keep talking to girls, don’t let a chick tell you what to do. She flirting with guys cuz it makes her feel good. But she’s afraid of other girls likeing you. You can never surround yourself with too many women. Are you in school? Dude you got 60 years of fucking ahead, don’t fret on this philly”

Q: “Hey man, what do you think would be the best position for sex when me an my girl are having sex? What do i do to tell her that i love her? Where are some romantic places to take her? I could use your help. I love her a lot.” David Ohio
A: “Multiple positions, you on top, her on top, doggie for sure. Don’t try anal yet. Say “I love you” under your breath when she’s on top, she’ll love it. I never take girls anywhere romantic. I guess parks, movies, dinner”

Q: “Hi hun, I was just reading a answer you gave girl when she asked what do guys really want from woman….so I was wondering what does Meni want from a woman? Lita, Mass
A: “A chance”

Q: “What do i do when my girlfriends always wants me to take her places and i dont want to tell her that i dont have the money? I dont want to hurt her.” Ohio
A: “It’s not hurting her. Tell her you are investing a lot of money, planning for your future. Make her pay for some shit. And don’t buy her tits”

Q: “I know this one girl, she is always bitching at me over the dumbest things. I love her a lot. We have been going out for over a year. I dont know what to do to get her to stop bitching and maybe put out some. What should i do?” Ohio
A: “Lets not kid ourselves, she ain’t Carmen Electra. Dump her fat ass. If she ain’t fat, then dump her skinny, ain’t putting out ass. Or, stick her in a mental institution, then date her younger sister”

Q: “I like this girl at school and she is a total slut, I constantly see her walking down the hall with different men. She flirts with everybody and even me. How can I get her to only like me and not every other guy.” anonymous
A: “You can’t. Join the team. Have fun, enjoy life, you are young. Take hold of your youth. If you can bang her, do it. Wear a rubber. Then the game begins, he would cares least wins, if you show her a good time and you are fun and good looking, she will chase you if you show little interest after you guys hook up. She will chase the asshole, not the nice guy, remember that”

Q: “”man why the fuck do girls go to the bathroom in groups? If they run out of toilet paper do the other girls through them another roll? Roller Plainfield IL
A: “Dude, there’s a see saw in the girls bathroom. Actually chicks talk about their dates in the bathroom”

Q: “I fingered a girl at the movies and i met her “”boyfriend”” right beforehand. What do I do?” anonymous
A: “Wash your hands”

Q: “there is a girl at my school that i want to ask out but all her friends don’t like me.. how can i ask her out with out making an a-hole out of my self” anonymous
A: “Ask her when she’s alone. First off, do you have a chance with her? Does she like you? if so, go for it. I have to deal with that shit all the time, lots of chicks think i’m an asshole. But ASSHOLES Do get laid”

Q: “Meni, my girlfriend loves her dog. I mean, she… uhhh… LOVES her dog. Her dog’s tongue has touched seriously intimate areas of her body. I’m concerned… is she leaving herself open to weird diseases and bacteria from the dog’s mouth? I don’t want to go to the doctor with a disease on my dick that came only from a dog’s mouth, you know what I mean? What would the doctor say?
Is she in danger from weird diseases?
Dick Doberman
A: “I always hear a dog’s tongue is cleaner than a human’s. She won’t get a weird disease, but do think we can get her arrested. Is she hot?”

Q: “what do guys really want from a woman” kelsi 20
A: “A whore in the bedroom and a maid in the kitchen or something like that, a cook in the kitchen and maid in the living room? What do I want? I want a hot piece of ass, a different one for each day of the week. Variety is the spice of life. Guys really want blowjobs too”

Q: “whats do women like when having sex?” anonymous
A: “Well, if they are having sex with their husband, they are thinking of having sex with someone else. If the chick is single, and having sex, she’s thinking of having sex with me”

Q: “Well meni, the girl that lives next door to me is hot as hell and i want to fuck her… how do i tell her?” anonymous
A: “You gotta get in her face. Bump into her in clubs, being the neighbor, she will recognize you. Make sure you bring chicks to your house, show her you are the man. Let her know you like to party, if she parties, she will like the fact you are close. I use to bang one of my neighbors. Easy access, walk across the lawn.”

Q: “How long does it take a virgin brod to nut.” Mack69
A: “Takes me 90 minutes from getting in my door, to banging in the bedroom. Your mileage may vary. Be kind to virgins. And careful, thats probably the only girl you will hurt having sex with. Most hoe’s are like throwing a hot dog down the hallway.”

Q: “Dear Meni,
I am curious, I’d like to know why women of today are seeking female companionship, and converting to LESBIANISM.
I recently checked out the yahoo website and found that 90% of the females aren’t interested in men for any type of correspondence or sexual relations.
I’m heterosexual and very much so interested in establishing relations with women, but am some what disturbed by the viewing percentage I’ve seen.
Meni, what do you have to say about this? These women are very explicit about what they want with women, and its ORAL SEX…
Thank you,
Sinsual male in TEXAS”
A: “Lesbianism, is ‘cool’ today. But here’s clue ladies, we got tongues too! And some of us know how to use them, and by the way, were can fuck your brains out with a cock. Dude, find real girls, not the ugly online chicks, girls in real life will fuck you”

Q: “Hey Meni, I hoooked up a friend of mine with this girl, but now she’s thinking of dumping him to go out with me, which is something I’d really like, but she’s his first girlfriend, and he’d be crushed. She wants me to tell her what to do, what should I do?
Adam in Texas
A: “Tell her to dump him, you help him find another chick. In the meantime, secretly nail the first chick. Hell, then fuck your buddies new girl too!”

Q: “I’m in college and all girls want to do is fuck drug dealers or basketball players what should I do? Mark
A: “The easy answer would be to play basketball, or deal drugs. But I’ll take the other road on this one. Go after guys”

Q: “When do chicks masturbate?” anonymous
A: “Usually as soon as they set eyes on me”

Q: “How do I get a woman to sleep with me? I am 20 years old and still a virgin. I am 300 pounds, 6’4″”, I play football and workout alot. I have a job at a warehouse where I make pretty good money. I am horny all the time, and I jack-off at least once a day. I really want to have sex, but don’t know how to go about it. Help please.” Dana Matheson BC, Canada
A: “You need to talk to girls. Approach women. Be confident. Buy them drinks. Go Tanning”

Q: “Why do women pluck their eyebrows and then draw them back in again? Grumpy
A: “Thanks for pointing that out Grumpy, it strengthens my argument that men are superior to women. Women aren’t born with great eyebrows so they pluck them and draw them in”

Q: “I’m trying to impress this chick but she barely gave me her number! And to top that off, she looks like a skank! Should i have her whacked or what? Chris, Ca. USA
A: “Don’t kill her. He who cares least wins, never call her, and in bars, don’t look at her”

Q: “What is the best kind of date to take a girl on if you want to get some at the end of the night?” anonymous
A: “Take her to your house, buy liquor, get her lit”

Q: “”Will I fall in love” anonymous
A: “Yes”

Q: “Is there a best or fastest way to finger a girl? If so, what is it? Jason AZ
A: “Jason, my boy, best and fast are both different. Fastest way? 2 shots of tequila. Best way? why do you care what the girl feels? its all about you man! You get off, who cares about the girl. Ok just kidding, dude, go gentle, and try to his the g spot way up and in, also spread the lips and play with the clit gently, then call me, I’ll come over and do her while you cry”

Q: “I did this girl in the poo-hole, does she like me?” anonymous
A: “Of course she does, she’s hooked, you can probably get her to buy you clothes, or maybe Clearsil, chicks who let guys do anal are chicks who let guys do anal”

Q: “I’m been having some trouble getting a date, it seems whenever I meet a girl and talk with her etc. and get ready to ask her out she gets a boyfriend. What should I do? Muad’dib, Clemson, SC
A: “Date Men”

Q: “If this chick came onto me and i like her, but if when i call her on the phone she sounds like a truck driver what do i do?” Beachboy, FL
A: “Who gives a fuck what she sounds like on the phone. You sound like a pathetic loser. Give me her number.”

Q: “Ok, if a chick at work gives you a phone number and you never plan on calling, do you trash it? Save it? Hide it? And what if your chick finds out?” anonymous-NH
A: “You aren’t calling cuz why? Do as many chicks as you can bro, dump the girlfriend. Unless the girlfriend supports you. If you really are the relationship type, trash it. Stay with your girl, and be unhappy as you see your buddies banging new chicks all the time. Bud, I’m just trying to help. Can I have the chick’s number?”

Q: “”Where can Kirk Cameron meet a quality chick that doesn’t have a tattoo on her pussy?” Beachboy, FL
A: “Any High School”

Q: “Ok…if this guy I like likes me but wants me to get with his friend what do I do?” J.K.
A: “Two choices, a. If the friend is cute, do the friend. b. Offer oral sex to the guy you like, if he turns it down he is gay, then do the friend.”

Q: “Why did that hot Nikki Cox from “”Unhappily Ever After”” marry that jackass Bobcat Goldthwait and not me?” N.I.
A: “She must have masturbated years ago to the Police Academy films, as we all did. Or, because, it will further her sagging career, or she might have done it for Love, if that’s the case, I give the marriage 20 months at most.”

Q: “A girl I had just met at a club let me put her gum in my mouth and then she put my altoid into her mouth, does she like me?” C.L.
A: “Yes”

Q: “What do girls look at first on guys?” A.D
A: “Wallet, then eyes, shoulders and arms, ass”

Q: “Where’s the best place to go to meet girls” J.A
A: “Industry Nightclub 1993”

Q: “Are men better than girls?” F.J.
A: “Yes, we don’t wear makeup, and we are smarter”

Q: “I’m afraid to approach really hot chicks, I don’t have a problem with average looking girls” D.R.
A: “Fine, leave the hotties for me, stick to what you are good at”

Q: “Meni, who in your opinion is the hottest girl in the world” B.S.
A: “Is it a crime to love all women? For me, I go in cycles, just like any Alpha Male. Remember a 5 in bed is better than a 10 in your head.”

Q: “A pretty girl from school I met this past fall, well, me and her have become good friends, she dates a lot, just not me, what should I do? I don’t want to ruin our friendship, but I really like her.” P.R.
A: “Rule One, never become ‘friends’ with hot chicks, always be the guy in the rated R movie you aren’t too sure you like. Rent Swingers. Since you are in this far, either get her drunk and hit on her, NO DATE RAPE, or figuring she’s hot, they run in packs, hook up with one of her friends, the jealousy will get her hot.”

Q: “I’m going to be working with a Playboy playmate
and my girlfriend doesn’t like it, what should I do Meni?” Taboo
A: “Do the Site, and Do The Playmate. If your girl leaves, good. If not, you’re golden. Don’t let a woman stop you from doing anything or anyone. You are a stallion, and you are meant to breed. Or just refer the playmate to me. You can never surround yourself with too many women.

Q: “I am going to Miami for a convention, should I leave my girlfriend at home? And what if my girlfriend wants her own website? Taboo
A: “Never take your girlfriend anywhere. And if she wants her own site, you keep the profits, shoot the pics, and do hardcore with her.”